LET'S TALK MET BALL
Its 4am and my phone flashes. It's Harriet. The Met dresses are up.
For those of you who haven't heard of it, last night was the Met Ball. The Met is the annual fanfare arranged by the Wicked Bitch of the East, Anna Wintour, to raise money for the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York City.
But to you and me the easiest explanation is: it's the "Fashion Oscars".
What goes on inside is anyones guess, particularly since Wintour has tried to ban phones (although naturally the crafty Kardashians were able to take a few sneaky Snaps). All I know is that Gwyneth Paltrow HATED IT and every year Beyonce comes out of self-imposed exile to show humans what Goddesses really look like.
Basically it's the one event of the year that everyone who is anyone in the world of music, fashion or movies HAS to attend. Wintour hand selects 600 invitees, affectively killing and making careers with a nod of her slick bob. Or of course you could buy your own ticket for a mere $30,000, but that would just be so TACKY.
Every year we wake up early and head staight to DM to sneer and rejoice at the silly and slamming slebs in their posh frocks. Last year the theme was China and the world's leading ladies fired off a volley of “f*** you” frocks, featuring their perfectly crafted curves and effectively kick starting the nude dress trend currently seen at a nightclub near you. The event, the dresses, the glamour - it is eye-wateringly gorgeous.
What happened this year? The theme was Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology.
but the guest list was a sloppy as the ratchet dresses. We run through the best and worst of this years Met Ball below.
I'm sorry Bey, you know I love you. But what is this? You look like a condom. A beautiful, regal condom.
When Beyonce is too busy touring and dropping surprise albums to really think about her clothes, we will always have Blake. Every year she SLAYS.
If you read my texts to Harriet above you know how I feel about Rita. Let's not waste anymore time on her here. When she releases some music, she can get a comment.
This is not futuristic or cool. This a bad reference to Jenny Humphrey circa 2009.
I get it. Yellow, lemons are yellow. It's Lemonade right? The kick in the elevator was more subtle. TBH Solange you would have been better off repping your sister in Ivy Park.
Very noughties All Saints meets Lady Marmalade non? Brownie points for making it out of recycled bottles though Em!
Madonna mistakes the Met for the 'Full Moon' Party. No worries Madge, happens all the time.
This pic is a two for one. In the forefront Kate Hudson is giving us future-robo-bride with enough gorgeous layered cutouts to make a snowflake jealous. Meanwhile Gaga is in the back, staring in awe, wondering if she can go home and change.
The big question of the night was, 'Are you Team Topshop?'
'Or Team Balmain?'
In the end none of it matters because Claire Danes stole the show with her light-up Zac Posen ballgown. Her gorgeous dress was weighted down by 30 hidden battery packs sewn into the seams and earned her the name 'Galactic Cinderella' on the night.
While it was a slamming dress... I couldn't help but wonder what Rihanna would make of all this?
What do you think of all the dresses? Let us know over our Facebook and Twitter pages.