WE TRY ON THE IVY PARK RANGE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO

I love Beyonce. But I just don't like the Ivy Park clothing range. 

Why does that feel like blasphemy? Beyonce is another human being, has had a fantastic and long career, and should be subject to criticism in the same way other artists are. I read an incredible article that said by making Beyonce this ineffable and saintly perfect woman we actually detract from her power. We've got to keep up to the same standard as everyone else, and if something is a bit crap, we've got to say it and question it. By banning the criticism of Beyonce, by making her this iconic holy grail that can never be insulted, we're actually removing our ability to praise her too.

That being said. Let's talk about Ivy Park. It feels tacky to me. Something about it screams cheap, whether that's the material, the colours or the the font of the logo itself. Where Beyonce's new tour merchandise is being praised as revolutionary, the clothing at Topshop is just not my style. Check out what Kirsty thought of it when she went to the store to try it on: 

Outfit 1: V-Back Mesh Insert Bra £22, "V" Mid-Rise 7/8 Leggings £38

First of all shout out to Topshop in Glasgow for having sizes in only XXS and XS. Seriously, THANKS FOR THAT. It made me feel so much more confident to pose, sans make up, in a tiny cubicle in equally tiny gym gear. 

This sports top was my favourite of the range. Thick and secure, it kept the puppies contained which is all you can hope for with a sportsbra. Only negatives would be it's low scoop neckline and slightly see-through material. Not one for a run on a cold day. 

The leggings were from the "V" Mid-Rise  range and pretty much did what they said on the tin. Belly button scraping and (this will become a theme with this range) made of the most resilient and thick material I've ever come across. They keep everything looking tight 'n' right but coming in at 38 quid, I've had better leggings at a lower price. 

Outfit 2: Hexagon Mesh Bomber Jacket £50, V-Back Mesh Insert Bra £22, "V" Mid-Rise 7/8 Leggings £38

This bomber jacket made me feel pretty ghetto fab. Add some hoops and I would be ready for the Third Ward. But again the price point (£50) stopped me from being Crazy in Love.

Outfit 3: Linear Embossed Sweatshirt £55,  "Y" High-Rise Ankle Leggings £40

Apologise for the weird pose I was trying to show off the "Y" High-Rise style of the leggings. Again so super thick, you'll probably knock off about 50 calories getting them on and off - so in a way, the most effective gym gear ever? 

The jumper was HUGE which was weird considering every other thing in the range was made for pixies. Honestly it was just a bit meh. How excited can you really get about a black jumper? You'd probably have to be Drunk in Love to part with 50 quid for this. 

Outfit 4: Sleeveless Logo Body £30

Okay, I'll admit it. This slightly naff, slightly iconic piece was the one thing in the collection I was excited about. Yes it is slightly #basicbitch but it's pure Beyonce through and through - cinched at the waist, high at the hip.

And dear god do you need to wax for this bad boy.

The wedgie this gives you is just another level. I took a belfie of this and it was so NSFW it made me blush just to look at it.

The material is SO THICK its like putting on a wet suit. And I have no idea where you would wear this IRL as the material isn't right for the beach or the gym. For Beyonce on stage with a pair of fishnets I AM IN TO IT. After all Beyonce's body is crafted by angels, mine on the other hand had a pint of ice cream in it.

Put this into the 'only Beyonce can get away with this' category along with tops and no troos and bedazzled bodysuits. 

Outfit 5: Logo Waistband Runner Shorts £20, V-Back Mesh Insert Bra £22

I have thighs that more than rival Mrs Carter's, so in size XXS these shorts were never going to be a good look.  But the coral colour was on point and they would look cracking with a tan. The shorts' material and waistband were just as good as your standard Nike or Adidas pair. I'd definitely recommend these if you are looking for a break from boring gym leggings. 

Similar to the white bra (but crucially a little less see-though) it offered support and the same invincible material. Lost brownie points for being a different shade from the shorts. 

MATERIAL: Thicker than the fool that would cheat on Beyonce. 

SIZES: Despite our Queen being a loud and proud curvy lady this range is bizarrely unaccommodating to our lovely lady lumps. Everything cinched and tightened me within an inch of my life. Great for feeling toned. Not so great for that actual movement thing that sport requires. 

PRICES: Like her concert tickets, the prices are just too God-damn high

OVERALL: As Harriet mentioned the font is just a bit naff. Something about it makes it look a little Primark-y. Maybe it's the all caps and the boldness but it kind of just makes me cringe. I am a die hard Bey-hiver but I feel the range is a little too gimmicky to buy into seriously. Had this been a one off collaboration I probably would have bought a piece and worn it like a Brownie proudly shows off a badge - smug, uncool and knowing the attention was only temporary. But for a serious attempt at breaking into the over saturated sportswear market, these items are far from Irreplaceable.